Boston.Com Love Letters - He Told Me He Loved Me Within A Month
The Question
I am a single mom in my 40s, and I have been divorced for three years. During our marriage we went to couples counseling, and also I went to counseling on my own.
I have casually dated since the divorce, and about eight months ago I met a great guy. He is smart, sexy, funny, caring, generous, and we have great chemistry. I really couldn’t ask for a better friend/partner. He is also divorced, but his was a 20-year marriage. I love him and feel we have a unique connection, but the downside is I feel he is rushing into things. We decided to date exclusively after a couple of weeks. He told me he loved me within a month, and I told him that was crazy since he didn’t really know me. He invited me to a family wedding at three months. I declined, as I was not ready to meet his entire family. He says he wants us to get married some day, after living together, which would be in a couple of years based on logistics with kids. For now, he makes little references to what our lives will be like when we are married, where we will live, etc.
I know some people feel they “just know” when they have met “the one.” But my brain is telling me most guys don’t want to discuss marriage so early, especially when there is already divorce on both sides. Is early marriage talk a red flag, or am I being unfair to him based on my bad experience? Thanks, Meredith!
– Too Soon?
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Meredith Hoss Goldstein’s Answer
I wouldn’t worry about what “most guys” do. Instead, think about whether this man is trying to get to know you. He does seems to understand that marriage is a long way off, and that he’s planning for “someday,” not tomorrow. Based on what you’ve told us, he gets – and respects – the reality of the timeline. That said, if he’s dropping too many comments about life in the future, let him know that you’d rather talk about how things work right now. You want to feel like you’re both invested in your relationship as it grows.
I don’t see any red flags here. Maybe a very light yellow one. Some people do “just know” and like to plan out loud. It’s not the worst thing.
– Meredith
Readers? Are these empty promises? Is this a red flag?
El Pres Answer
Umm what planet am I on? Honey you are a divorcee single mom in your 40’s with a kid. Those are your words not mind. People don’t start playing ball at your age they retire. You’re not exactly a rising star. You’re not sitting on pocket aces. So if this dude likes you and wants to invite you to a family wedding you should probably go and stop writing letters. Like somebody needs to just shake this lady, stick her head under water till she almost drowns, force her to look in the mirror and wake up. That’s my advice to her. Best advice anybody could give her really.